So this will be a bit of an overshare but it’s on my mind. So a long time ago I installed tindr, it was exactly what my ego needed. I get to swipe to super hot guys and abs and I can choose them and flirt. The match process is purely visual which is awesome.
I got off of it for awhile after a week of flirting but resumed being an compliment starved attention whore a few months later. All was well and dandy with the flirting until you realize you’re horny and one of these studs may fit the bill.
He was an athlete, 2 years younger, rock hard abs, and gorgeous face under his massive beard. (Side note: this whole beard fad is disgusting and gross and if I gotta keep my yaya shaved for you then you can keep that face smooth for me for obvious reasons) I’ll be honest, we could’ve met for coffee; but being the liberated woman I am, I needed a good session to cure my drought. We had great texting convo but when I was in front of him he was silent, like no personality.
I grabbed his face we started to makeout then the romping ensued. It was whack sauce times a thousand. All that time I went without sex in my life to ultimately be disappointed by a boy not used to curves and my appetite. Needless to say I was only over his place like 25 min before making it home with an hour to spare.
My first meetup turned into one nightstand regret. I ignored the app but the pull for attention was strong. It’s instant gratification having the power to contact people I’d never have the guts to approach. Super hotness way out of my league studs at my fingertips. But I wanted more.
When I’d joined the app there was a certain someone who’d caught my eye. We’d have great casual conversation and messages through the app for weeks. Initially I scooted him under the rug, thought he’d just be my ego stroker, our schedules never clicked anyway. We’d check in with each other twice a week. Finally exchanged numbers and we began to text daily.
I called him on my way home from work just to hear his voice. It was mesmerizing. And on top of that he had an amazingly funny sarcastic wit with an intellectual personality to compliment my outrageousness. It was great, our witty banter back and forth, we decided to link up later that evening.
I was greeted with a warm hug and a drink ready. We took shots to calm my nerves and to celebrate our union. He was gorgeous, tall, fit, perfect teeth and hair. We clicked instantly, we definitely kissed when we got to his place. His sure aggressive nature calmed my crazy instantly. Finally success, patience had paid off for us both…. when I got home that night, I deleted the app……… to be continued
(Below is more meme humor about tindr, all pics are from Pinterest )